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Gourmet Mustard (Import)
June 18, 2009, 4:12 pm
Filed under: Funny Jokes, ~Other Jokes | Tags: , , , , ,

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, Gourmet Mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

 “Here, hold Johnny (our six-year-old son) while I get my sandwich,” she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard. I had no napkin, so I licked it off. To my surprise, it was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.

With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, “Now you know why they call that Fancy Mustard Poupon.”


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